Walmart to Hire 150,000 and Give $550 Million in Cash Bonuses

Walmart to Hire 150,000 and Give $550 Million in Cash Bonuses: Walmart, the nation’s largest private employer, announced plans to hire 150,000 hourly associates in the U.S. as well as hand out $550 million in cash bonuses to reward workers amid the coronavirus pandemic.

Now, to be completely honest, I’ve never had a desire to even shop — let alone work at a Walmart — but, if I’m reading this correctly, and they’re willing to give me a $550 million signing bonus, I’d surely consider it.

So, what’s next? My guess is — it’ll be President Trump taking to Twitter to brag about the 150,000 jobs he and the coronavirus have just created.

But all kidding aside, you’re telling me Walmart is actually planning to give ordinary workers bonuses? Now, the last thing I’d ever wanna do is alarm anyone, but isn’t that the first sign of the apocalypse?

Johnny Robish is an actor, comedian and political satirist - who is considered one of America’s most trusted sources for fake news.